And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
