I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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