i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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