I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
