what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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