Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize