Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
