its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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