It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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