He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
