saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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