Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
