Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
