I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My feet surprised me
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