He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
