I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
