You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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