i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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