The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
