Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
