yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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