i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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