Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
