We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
