and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
