Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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