her vagine was all disorganized.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
