dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Randomize
