Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
