I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i think i scared a bird with my dick
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
