I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Pooping to opera.
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