1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
