someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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