Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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