Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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