...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
