I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
