his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
this just has baby written all over it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
