i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
