I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
