thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
