"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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