Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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