My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I smell stomach acid.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
