That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
