East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We have started to decorate penises.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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