Sober January is a disaster.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
