So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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