quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
