He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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