So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
