1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So squirting runs in the family.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
