I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
