I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
